After spending one weekend on watching my sibling play Final Fantasy XIII, I have finally unraveled the mysteries behind why FFXIII is considered a fail game.
Disclaimer: Note that this is not a fully comprehensive coverage of the game as we have thrown in the white towel (it’s getting too annoying to continue). This would mean no spoilers either.
1. Lack of Japanese dub
The game developers can afford the time, energy and money to alter each scene such that the lips movement of the characters matches the English dub when they speak, yet the company is too stingy to even include the Japanese dub as an alternative track for the game. Srsly, don’t give me the crap about English voice actors being more expressive than the Japanese seiyuu. The entire game sounds like one big dragged-out melodrama where each line is either overly stale, or highly exaggerated. Where is my Sakamoto Maaya?! My Kotobuki Minako?! Ono Daisuke?!
2. Frustrating Characters
Source of pic: finalfantasy.wikia.com
There is only one cool-looking character in the game (Lightning), and even she sounds like one big arrogant bitch. My sibling points out how wrong this is, and that I might be squeeing over Snow’s unshaven face if he’s in a shining armor on a white horse, but F**K, what’s the point if he’s in that fugly for the entire game?! Hope might be cute if he keeps his mouth firmly shut, but I’m not a pedophile interested in emo useless boys. Don’t even get me started on Sazh or Vanille, and I hate Serah since she’s not voiced by Mina-chan. Honestly, the only lovable character is the baby chocobo.
3. Shortage of Music?
I mean, srsly, who the fark uses the theme song in a normal landscape? Theme songs are meant for special occasions, like when someone dies or is being revived at the ending, or emotional flashbacks, not when you are running around picking off minions while trying to get to the stage boss. Where are my epic battle music that inspires me to fight till the end or make me laugh at the irony of it all in the likes of a ringtone in Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children? The only reason I can come up with is either a shortage of music (we need you, Uematsu Nobuo sensei!!!!), or that they’re trying to subtly brainwash us into worshiping the song. Too bad it’s having the reverse effect.
4. Non-existent Towns/People
Vandalized pic from Final Fantasy IX
Where the heck are my towns?! What’s the point of playing an RPG game in which I can’t raid old grannies’ homes and steal the last gil off from underneath their beds?! Or break every pot and vase in search of herbs or potions in their homes without fear of retribution? F**K, there’s no one I can talk to either, and the enemies I fight sure ain’t the least interested in conversing with me. Don’t the game developers realise that towns and sidequests are important distractions from the serious plot and fighting? 2-3 hours of doing nothing except non-stop clicking on the “Auto-Attack” command does little to improving the gaming experience. Even a monkey can do this w/o peanuts.
5. Endless Upgrades
Source of pic: ign.com
I wonder what or who gave Square Enix the idea that while gamers hate towns and sidequests, they looooooove to engage in mindless upgrading of each and every weapon (mind you, this upgrade is crucial cuz it also determines how much experience points you get in each battle) and each and every Role (eg. Attacker, Medic) for each and every character. And behold, the return of the dreaded sphere-grid as Crystalium in 3D! It’s more linear now, but heck, what’s the point of managing a linear sphere-grid when they could have done it automatically for us? -_-
Square Enix is totally going in the wrong direction for Final Fantasy games these days. The CG animation is top-notch, that I have no complaints about. However, what’s a game with excellent animation yet boring story and gameplay worth? Can’t they learn from stalking seiyuu blogs that even though Dragon Quest IX is only released on Nintendo DS (which does not have as amazing graphics as PS3), it is still able to make them squeeeeeeeeeeeee due to the gameplay?
I feel compelled to talk about why Chrono Cross remains my all-time favourite RPG, but I’ll save it for another day.
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