I like a lot of girls.
Japan, Los Angeles, D.C., Boston, Harlem, Brooklyn, Dominican Republic, New York. The girls I like are everywhere. They’re far away and down the street. Sometimes right in front of me, and sometimes on the peripherals. Out of sight, but on my mind. Out of mind, but in my sight. In my dreams, in my bed, on my phone and on my screen. Everywhere.
And all of that, all of that is just hard sometimes. I like them all at once, and one at a time. Seems impossible, I know, but trust me, it’s very possible. As a matter of fact, it’s too easy. My heart sometimes acts as a magnet for feelings that come from more than one woman at the same time, and like a kid trying not to laugh when they’re telling a fib, I’m a man trying not to feel when I’m telling a girl how I, well, feel. Of course I like the girl, but of course I like others. Actually I like to like them, and some would call that being a romantic but I don’t. I call it the ugly beauty of being single and social: Meet a lot of great women and in the midst of these chance encounters, get blind sided by a few who really know how to get liked back.
For the sake of clarity, what I’m not talking about is random hook ups and one night stands. I’m talking about liking more than one person at one time. It’s really that simple, and yet, people want to act like a heart comes whole; like it can’t be split off into bits, pieces, slices and slivers. If liking more than one person at one time makes me a player, pass me the ball.
I like a lot of girls. And a lot of girls like me back, but with all of them, we have this unspoken agreement they can like other guys too. Especially those who don’t live anywhere near me. They can make out, sleep with, go out with, cake with any guy not named Jozen and I can’t really have a problem with it. But I kind of, sort of, definitely, absolutely do. Kind of one day, sort of the next, definitely the day after, and absolutely usually by the end of the week. It all depends on how I feel and sometimes, it depends on how they feel about me too. Because liking a girl is one thing, but when the girls like me back, we are headed to the problem land.
This morning I talked to one girl I liked, one who doesn’t live close to me, so between her and I, we have this understanding there are others we like. Even if we might like each other more than the others, there are others. One of her others left, moved away, today, and she didn’t tell me immediately. She told me only after I pressed her to figure out what was wrong, even after she insisted there was nothing wrong in the first place. When she finally copped to it, and told me why, I couldn’t let a lull exist in our conversation, couldn’t show any sort of emotion. I had to keep going, keep talking. It was the information I asked for, and there it was, served cold. But honestly, it wasn’t the information that had me phased. It was the harsh reality the information exposed.
I like a lot of girls.
A lot of girls like me back.
Together we like each other.
Separate we like the others.
And so it goes…
No comments:
Post a Comment